29+ Funny Ways to Say “You May Now Kiss the Bride” (100+ Examples)

While weddings are sweet, the big moment can feel a bit stiff, and you might want to crack a joke. People love a good laugh, especially when the big day drags on, and you can break the ice easily. Choosing the right words makes the ceremony fun, so you should pick a great line. Let us look at some clever jokes, that will make your guests smile, while the couple shares their very first married hug.

Playful Ways to Say “You May Now Kiss the Bride”

Lock Lips Now

Weddings go by fast, and you want to keep things moving along, so this quick nudge works wonders. People in the crowd will giggle, because it sounds so casual, and nobody expects it from a stuffy priest. You can drop this line easily, when the couple looks nervous, to loosen up the mood.

• Lock lips now, before anyone changes their mind about this wedding.
• Honestly, lock lips now, because the cake is waiting for us.
• Before you get cold feet, lock lips now, and let us eat.
• Everybody is watching, so lock lips now, my friends.

Mash Your Faces Together

Traditional wedding talk is boring, and you need a fresh approach, to wake everyone up in the back rows. This funny command paints a silly picture, which helps people relax, during a long and quiet church service. Friends in the audience will cheer loudly, because they love seeing a couple act goofy together.

• Mash your faces together, and make it look good for the photos.
• Quick, mash your faces together, before the photographer misses the shot.
• Go ahead and mash your faces together, just like you practiced at home.
• Kids love this part, so mash your faces together with feeling.

Smack Those Smoochers Together

Grandma might raise an eyebrow, but the younger crowd will howl, when you say this ridiculous phrase out loud. It brings instant energy, to a room that feels too quiet, and it makes the bride laugh out loud. You can use this during a casual backyard wedding, where fancy rules do not matter at all.

• Smack those smoochers together, and seal this deal right now.
• Ready or not, smack those smoochers together, and let us party.
• Do it big, and smack those smoochers together for the whole town to see.
• Count to three, and smack those smoochers together without any delay.

Engage in Facial Combat

Nerds and gamers in the room, will appreciate a funny gaming joke, during the wedding vows. It adds a quirky touch, to a very standard moment, and shows off your fun personality. People will talk about this joke, long after the party ends, because it stands out so much.

• Player one and player two, engage in facial combat right now.
• Prepare your weapons, and engage in facial combat for the win.
• On my mark, engage in facial combat, and score some extra points.
• Time is up, so engage in facial combat and win the game.

Initiate Lip Contact

Sometimes you want to sound like a robot, when performing a wedding, just for a quick laugh. This dry style works best, when you keep a straight face, while everyone else giggles. It catches people off guard, because they expect normal words, but get a sci-fi command instead.

• Computer says yes, so initiate lip contact without any hesitation.
• System is ready, please initiate lip contact for five whole seconds.
• Warning, initiate lip contact now, or the wedding will crash.
• All systems go, so initiate lip contact and make it official.

Commence the Snout Rubbing

Animals do it all the time, and humans can try it too, for a truly bizarre wedding memory. Guests will stare at you in shock, before they start laughing at your weird sense of humor. This line is great for zoo lovers, or anyone who owns too many pets.

• Forget kissing, just commence the snout rubbing right this second.
• Bears do it, so commence the snout rubbing and show some love.
• Grab a partner, and commence the snout rubbing for good luck today.
• Snout rubbing time is here, so commence the snout rubbing loudly.

Swap Some Spittle

Gross jokes always get a reaction, from teenagers sitting in the back of the room. You should use this sparingly, when the crowd is young, and ready for some silly bathroom humor. It breaks all the stuffy rules, of a traditional church wedding, in the funniest way possible.

• Time to swap some spittle, and get this marriage started today.
• Grab a tissue, and swap some spittle with your new spouse.
• Nobody is looking, so swap some spittle and make us proud.
• Swap some spittle now, before the ice cream starts to melt.

Put Your Mouths on Each Other

Simple directions work best, for couples who panic at the altar, and forget what to do. This blunt instruction removes all confusion, while giving the audience a nice chuckle. You can deliver this with a grin, to keep the atmosphere light and breezy.

• Do not be shy, put your mouths on each other right now.
• On the count of three, put your mouths on each other firmly.
• Close your eyes, and put your mouths on each other very carefully.
• Put your mouths on each other, so we can cut the cake.

Touch Faces Until It Gets Weird

Awkward comedy is very popular, and this line tests how far the couple will go. People will count the seconds, waiting for them to stop, which makes the whole room laugh. It is a bold choice, for an officiant who loves pulling practical jokes.

• Touch faces until it gets weird, and then keep going anyway.
• Do not stop, just touch faces until it gets weird for everyone.
• Keep smiling, and touch faces until it gets weird in this church.
• Touch faces until it gets weird, to test your true love.

Attack with Your Lips

Romance is basically a battle, of two stubborn people refusing to be lonely. This phrase highlights that funny truth, with a dramatic flair that wakes up tired guests. You will get huge applause, because people love a bit of theatrical action.

• Soldiers report for duty, and attack with your lips right now.
• Charge the target, and attack with your lips with great passion.
• Ready aim fire, and attack with your lips without looking back.
• Attack with your lips, and conquer this brand new life together.

Sarcastic Ways to Say “You May Now Kiss the Bride”

Prove You Actually Like Each Other

Cynical guests will love this jab, at how long the dating phase took to finish. It pokes fun at the couple, while keeping the mood light, so nobody gets truly offended. You can say this with a smirk, to let everyone know you are just teasing.

• Prove you actually like each other, before we sign the papers.
• Come on now, prove you actually like each other for the cameras.
• Show us some proof, and prove you actually like each other today.
• Prove you actually like each other, or the deal is off.

Fake It for the Photos

Weddings are basically giant photo shoots, with a lot of expensive food attached at the end. This honest reminder strips away the magic, leaving a funny truth that everyone relates to. Photographers will thank you silently, because they need that classic shot.

• Smile big, and fake it for the photos right this second.
• Pretend you are happy, and fake it for the photos please.
• Act natural, and fake it for the photos for aunt Linda’s sake.
• Fake it for the photos, so we can go home early.

Pretend This is Romantic

Sarcasm is your best friend, when you want to mock cheesy romance tropes in public. This comment makes fun of the cheesy music, playing softly in the background of the ceremony. Guests who hate mushy stuff will nod along, and chuckle at your brutal honesty.

• Dim the lights, and pretend this is romantic for a minute.
• Cue the violins, and pretend this is romantic for our benefit.
• Try not to gag, and pretend this is romantic while we watch.
• Pretend this is romantic, even if you hate holding hands.

Do the Thing You Practiced in the Mirror

Everyone knows the couple practiced this moment, in their bedroom mirror at least five times. Calling them out in front of family members, creates a hilarious wave of embarrassment. The groom will turn red, which always gives the crowd a great show.

• Show us your moves, and do the thing you practiced in the mirror.
• Do not mess it up, do the thing you practiced in the mirror.
• We know you rehearsed, so do the thing you practiced in the mirror.
• Do the thing you practiced in the mirror, and make it snappy.

End the Suffering and Kiss

Long ceremonies test everyone’s patience, especially when the reception bar is opening soon. This impatient remark speaks for every hungry guest, sitting in hard wooden chairs. You get a huge laugh, because everyone shares the exact same secret thought.

• My feet hurt, so end the suffering and kiss already.
• Skip the speech, end the suffering and kiss before I fall asleep.
• Save us all, end the suffering and kiss each other right now.
• End the suffering and kiss, so we can eat some chicken.

Get It Over With

Blunt honesty never fails to amuse, a crowd that has been sitting for an hour. This anti romantic phrase works wonders, at casual weddings with zero formal traditions. The bride might even laugh, and hit you with her bouquet.

• We are all tired, so get it over with and kiss.
• Do not drag it out, get it over with right this minute.
• Rip the bandage off, get it over with and let us eat.
• Get it over with, because I want my dinner right now.

Show Us Your Best Closed Mouth Grin

Awkward kisses happen at every wedding, and this warning tries to prevent a messy disaster. It sets a low bar, so the couple does not feel too much pressure. Everyone will watch closely, to see if they follow your strange instructions.

• Keep it PG, and show us your best closed mouth grin.
• No tongue allowed, just show us your best closed mouth grin.
• Be polite, and show us your best closed mouth grin today.
• Show us your best closed mouth grin, for the elderly relatives here.

Just Touch Noses and Pretend

Some couples hate public displays of affection, and need an easy way out of kissing. Offering a silly alternative, saves them from feeling awkward in front of hundreds of people. The crowd will find it hilarious, because it defeats the whole point of a wedding.

• Skip the germs, just touch noses and pretend it is a kiss.
• Save your breath, just touch noses and pretend for the gallery.
• Keep your distance, just touch noses and pretend we saw it.
• Just touch noses and pretend, so we can move to the bar.

Clever Ways to Say “You May Now Kiss the Bride”

Seal the Deal with a Dealership Handshake

Business minded couples, will appreciate a funny nod, to corporate contract negotiations at the altar. It turns a sacred promise, into a funny corporate merger between two equal partners. Lawyers in the audience will smile, at your creative use of legal humor.

• Shake hands on it, or seal the deal with a dealership handshake.
• Forget kissing, seal the deal with a dealership handshake and a smile.
• Sign in blood, or seal the deal with a dealership handshake now.
• Seal the deal with a dealership handshake, and welcome to the firm.

Execute the Mandated Smooch Clause

Legal jargon makes everything funnier, when you drop it into a romantic setting like this. It sounds like a boring contract term, that nobody bothered to read before signing. Guests will love the nerdy twist, on an otherwise very traditional wedding script.

• Check page four, and execute the mandated smooch clause right now.
• By royal decree, execute the mandated smooch clause without delay.
• Lawyers approved it, so execute the mandated smooch clause for us.
• Execute the mandated smooch clause, to finalize this corporate merger today.

Apply Lipstick Transfer Protocol

Science nerds love procedure, and this instruction sounds like a NASA rocket launch countdown. It adds smart humor, to a room full of college educated friends and family. Everyone will wait for lift off, while the couple leans in slowly.

• Count down from ten, and apply lipstick transfer protocol at zero.
• Houston we are ready, apply lipstick transfer protocol on my signal.
• Safety goggles on, apply lipstick transfer protocol with extreme care.
• Apply lipstick transfer protocol, and launch this marriage into orbit.

Activate the Lifetime Subscription

Modern relationships feel like streaming apps, that you can never cancel or turn off. Comparing marriage to a recurring monthly fee, brings a witty and relatable observation. Tech workers in the crowd, will chuckle at the clever digital comparison.

• Hit subscribe, and activate the lifetime subscription with your partner.
• No free trial left, activate the lifetime subscription right this second.
• Enter your password, and activate the lifetime subscription for two users.
• Activate the lifetime subscription, and agree to all terms of service.

Validate Your Parking and Your Partner

Parking garage jokes never get old, when you are stuck downtown for a wedding ceremony. It mixes boring errands, with the biggest day of someone’s life, for maximum comedic impact. City dwellers will nod and laugh, because they deal with parking fees daily.

• Before you leave the lot, validate your parking and your partner.
• Hand over the ticket, and validate your parking and your partner.
• Do not lose the slip, validate your parking and your partner today.
• Validate your parking and your partner, before the meter maids arrive.

Complete the Quest Objective

Gamers love finishing tasks, and this turns marriage into a main story mission completion. It gives the groom a sense of achievement, like he finally beat a hard level. Friends who play video games all night, will cheer for this clever reference.

• Achievement unlocked, complete the quest objective and kiss the bride.
• Grab the loot, and complete the quest objective before time runs out.
• Level up now, and complete the quest objective with your teammate.
• Complete the quest objective, and save the princess in record time.

Synchronize Your Breathing Patterns

Medical humor works well, if the couple works in a hospital or clinic setting. It sounds like a CPR class instruction, mixed with mild panic and confusion. Nurses and doctors in the audience, will appreciate the clever workplace nod.

• Inhale and exhale, then synchronize your breathing patterns with a kiss.
• Check your pulses, and synchronize your breathing patterns very slowly now.
• Clear the area, and synchronize your breathing patterns on three.
• Synchronize your breathing patterns, and merge your life insurance policies.

Transfer Ownership of the Remote Control

Nothing tests a marriage faster, than fighting over what to watch on television. Bringing up the TV remote, highlights a funny domestic truth about living together. Every married person in the room, will laugh at this painfully honest joke.

• Hand over the clicker, and transfer ownership of the remote control.
• Kiss the bride, and transfer ownership of the remote control forever.
• Finalize the terms, and transfer ownership of the remote control today.
• Transfer ownership of the remote control, as proof of your love.

Upgrade to Family Plan

Phone bills are annoying, but combining them is a major milestone in any modern relationship. This cheeky nod to cellular data plans, brings a very modern twist to weddings. Younger guests will text each other, laughing at your funny comparison.

• Drop your carrier, and upgrade to family plan with a kiss.
• Save some money, and upgrade to family plan starting right now.
• Add another line, and upgrade to family plan with your spouse.
• Upgrade to family plan, and enjoy unlimited data on your honeymoon.

Short and Simple Ways to Say “You May Now Kiss the Bride”

Kiss Now

Short and sweet phrases are great, when you want to keep the wedding moving fast. This cuts out all the extra fluff, giving the couple an easy direction to follow. Everyone can focus on the happy moment, without getting distracted by too many words.

• Kiss now, and let us get this party started tonight.
• Do it, kiss now before the minister changes his mind.
• Big smile, kiss now while the lights look so good.
• Kiss now, because everyone is waiting for the open bar.

Smooch

One funny word is all you need, to break the tension at the altar. It sounds silly and childish, which makes adults giggle like little kids again. You can say it with a grin, to set a fun tone for the reception.

• Time to smooch, my friends, and make this official today.
• Ready, steady, smooch and let us clap for the newlyweds.
• Give us a nice smooch, so we can eat some cake.
• Smooch already, before I fall asleep in this chair.

Do It

No nonsense commands work best, for couples who hate being the center of attention. It removes all pressure, turning a big emotional moment into a quick task to finish. Guests will laugh at your direct and no-nonsense attitude.

• You are out of time, so just do it right now.
• Stop staring at each other, and do it for the crowd.
• You heard the rules, so do it and let us leave.
• Just do it, because nobody wants a long speech today.

Pucker Up

Classic slang brings a retro feel, to a modern wedding ceremony with young guests. It sounds like something your grandpa would say, which adds a charming vintage vibe. People will smile at the familiar phrase, while watching the happy couple embrace.

• Pucker up buttercup, and give your new wife a big hug.
• Time to pucker up, and show us how it is done.
• Get ready and pucker up, before the photographer counts to ten.
• Pucker up now, and seal this bargain with a kiss.

Smack Lips

Very casual language helps nervous couples calm down, when they feel overwhelmed by crowds. This rough and funny phrase adds humor, to a normally very serious church service. Friends in the front row will snicker, at your lack of formal manners.

• Smack lips and celebrate, because the hard part is finally over.
• Go ahead and smack lips, just like you do at home.
• Count to one, then smack lips for everyone to see.
• Smack lips quickly, before the flower girl starts crying again.

Lip Lock

Action movie vibes fit a wedding, when you want to sound like an undercover agent. It turns a boring church altar, into a high stakes mission in a spy film. Movie fans in the room, will catch the joke and laugh out loud.

• Initiate lip lock, and secure the perimeter around the altar.
• Target acquired, so execute lip lock without any delay now.
• Drop the bouquet, and start a five second lip lock here.
• Lip lock engaged, let us move on to the party phase.

Touch Faces

Stripping all romance away from the act, makes it sound hilariously robotic and clinical. Guests will look at each other in confusion, wondering if you forgot the word kiss. Then they will laugh, when they realize you are just joking around.

• Touch faces carefully, and pretend you enjoy this part very much.
• On my whistle, touch faces and hold it for five seconds.
• Close your eyes, and touch faces until I tell you stop.
• Touch faces now, and let us get out of this wind.

Summary of Responses

Final Thoughts

I hope these funny wedding lines bring big laughs to your big day. You can use them to surprise your guests, and break up the serious mood. Weddings should feel fun for everyone, so do not be afraid to crack a joke at the altar. Have a wonderful celebration, and enjoy your amazing party tonight.